BLOG: SANTA FOR GROWN-UPS
Cultural Bombings
BOOM! Explosions. Screams. Carnage. It was a horrible sight, even through pictures and blurbs. I’m writing, of course, about the bombings in Iraq. You assumed I was writing about the bombings in Boston. Every time there is an abnormal American death — that is, usually the death of a white, middle-class person, children, or anyone else who is not a threat to the system — we as a society seem to lose our collective mind over it. I am not saying that an outpour of sympathy or empathetic gestures is tantamount to “losing one’s...
read moreMorality Bites
Broad Background We all want to be good people. However, everyone has different definitions of what constitutes “good.” For example, I do not think going to church is good. While there are some positive aspects of church, on the whole I find it to be a delusional patchwork solution to a much deeper intrinsic human anxiety or insecurity; the positive byproducts of going to church are merely coincidental. However, many people think going to church is good. They give it more value than I do. (I don’t necessarily think going to church is...
read moreTop Ten Top-10-Lists List
This year is coming to a close and, as feeble-minded Americans, we desire some sort of definitive structure to our experience. LISTS! We love lists. Rankings. Anything that grants the masses access to the same conclusions as the experts, but at a fraction of the effort and knowledge. But as the year winds down, it’s a pastime to look back and reflect on what has transpired and convert those ephemeral experiences into notches on a time-belt. Nothing does that better than the Top 10 List. For too long, we have come to take for granted the...
read moreInteraction Innovation
Rather than pure calculated joy, the barista should be trained to have his/her mood mirror the customer’s. Often times I’ll trudge into a Starbucks unshaven, hair a mess, wearing the sweatpants and t-shirt I slept in, Dr. Martins with black socks underneath, a heavy coat, and a look of total disdain toward existence. At this juncture, I’m not looking for some bubbly green-capped pixie to brighten my day with a smile that the Seattle coffee giant rented for ten dollars an hour. That’s the last thing I want to see. Does she not...
read moreAtheists Are Wrong About Everything Except God
This is the first thing Facebook showed me when I logged on: Ugh. In light of the recent bombings in Libya and Egypt, there has been a lot of blowback from the people of the West, using their most powerful weapon: super clever Internet memes! Most of these condemn the violence of religious fanatics while (mostly explicitly) lauding the peacefulness of atheists. I am writing this to explain, as usual, why everyone is wrong. First of all, atheism is not strictly defined. There are many subcategories of atheism: strong atheism (active belief in...
read moreHow To Properly Heckle
So, many times when a comedian gets heckled, the gripe is that the audience member has interrupted that show and potentially ruined it for everyone else, or at least for anyone who was enjoying it. Everybody is there to see the performance and to interrupt the performance is denying the rest of the crowd the entertainment they have paid for (with their money, time, or both). While we as comedians don’t expect everyone to agree or like everything we do (although we’d certainly love if that were the case), all we can reasonably ask...
read moreMy Ode To Willy
Today I turned 27. It is my birth-day. The constant ticking of time always makes me look at the aging process and what it means. I reminded myself today (as well as many other days) that Bill Hicks was 32 when he died. Thirty-two. I feel almost silly that I have not acknowledged the influence Hicks has had on me. (Before you assume I’m a pissed-off, white, Hicks wannabe who saw him call a woman a cunt for 2 minutes on YouTube and took that as my license to do the same, that’s not the case. Through reading and watching countless stories...
read moreTwitter Username (@drewmcomedy vs. @DrewMichael)
My Twitter username is @drewmcomedy. I took this one because @DrewMichael was already in use. Not surprising. The domain www.drewmichael.com is currently being cyber-squatted (another blog on that later perhaps), so it’s to be expected that the Twitter username would be in use. Recently, I did some investigating and looked at @DrewMichael’s page. What I found was pretty awesome. It was about a year old, and there were only 12 tweets. (TWELVE!) 11 of them were tweeting at sports writers (like Chris Broussard and Buster Olney) about...
read moreDoppression
Fuck the gays. It’s not a choice? So what? That doesn’t mean shit. Sorry, bad way to start. Holed up in my room. I don’t mean all of what I just said. But the argument of “it’s not a choice” is not a valid crosswalk to rights. Being a murderer is not a choice. Ditto with pedophiles and rapists. Nobody’s opting in to those programs. Those aren’t impulse buys. Those are deep-seeded emotional conflicts that are too strong to control. But, more importantly (read: concerns ME), depression is not a choice. But we – the...
read moreWhat’s the worst that can happen?
Is honesty really the best policy? Well, it depends on what you mean by “best.” If you mean the most straightforward and true, then yes, honesty is the best policy. If you mean the way to get along with others and propagate this collective delusion of grandeur, then no, honesty might just be the worst policy. I should note that I’m particularly jaded right now. Not ultimately, just right fucking now. This constant coat-checking of thoughts and ideas that EVERYBODY thinks but nobody dares to say is getting absurd. It’s...
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